home. puking in laundry basket.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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