I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We are two peas in an std pod
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
