i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
