Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
