Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
