I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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