i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
