you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
