How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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