Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
