1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
