When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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