I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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