I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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