I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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