She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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