I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
