there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
