he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
