How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
