so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
