i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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