My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
