"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
