dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize