Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
