long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
