I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
