You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
