dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
