highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
