Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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