I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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