Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
