So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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