im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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