I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
