i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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