My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My penis needs a shock collar
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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