new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
