Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
