Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
