i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He better not be in your backpack
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
