Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
