she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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