You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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