I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
