I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
