Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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