Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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